Voices in Your Head

Jesus said that his sheep know his voice.

Prior to the last year or so I knew this to be true but I had never realized just how tangible his voice is. I grew up in a denominational experience that (at least in my perspective) nurtured the idea that God speaks only through a “still small voice” or the “peace of God.” It wasn’t until I came to my adult years that I truly encountered the person of Jesus Christ in my life. This was driven by many personal experiences, but precipitated by my reaching the absolute end of myself. In that place – at the edge of the pit – I knew that there were only two options. As I called out to the Lord, I knew that he would either answer me or I would plummet into that pit to the end of my existence. Even then, when I barely knew His voice, He answered me loudly – and immediately. That was a number of years ago, and it marked the start of my journey with Jesus. Prior to that event I just didn’t realize that I could truly hear His voice.

Since that first experience with the Lord, I have heard him many times, but still His voice has not been all that clear most of the time. How is it that “his sheep know his voice,” but we have such a difficult time figuring out what he is saying? I have realized more recently that there is just so much going on inside of my head that I often have a difficult time discerning who is saying what.

Have you ever considered just how vast your own inner dialogue is? A recent study reports that the average person speaks 16,000 words per day. With this in mind I cannot even imagine how many words we think. Recently I have been working through a healing prayer ministry. The idea is to allow the Holy Spirit to heal inner hurts caused by events and/or people of your past. Through the educational piece of this ministry, I have been learning a lot about this inner dialogue and where it comes from. There are so many factors creating a whole lot of noise.

Consider the following “voices” in your own head:

Your own Voice… not so simple when you realize that your own thoughts are based on truths, untruths, things others have said to you, things others have done to you, things you have learned and witnessed, things you have believed…this list can go on and on. Yes, we are talking about your own thoughts, but they are based on SO many factors and each of those things is also filtered through the difficult thing called perception. This complicated matters even more.

The Voice of Others… we are all tasked with weeding through the influence of others words and actions on our own lives. There is a song I love by a band called Sleeping at Last. It sums this all up for me stating, “We are made of love and all the beauty stemming from it, we are made of love and all the fractures caused by the lack of it.”

The voice of the Enemy… here we go, right? I don’t believe in some enigmatic force of evil that simply exists in the universe. No, I believe that there is a “person” – an Enemy – that is evil, and that this Enemy works to further separate all of human kind from our Lord and Creator. I do not think for a moment that just because I am covered by the blood of Jesus that the Enemy (or his minions) do not “whisper” into my ear as much as they are allowed to (consider Job). I believe that the dominion of the Enemy is at least a factor in the foundation of each of our belief systems, and that this begins long before any of us comes to faith in the Lord (consider our inherent sin nature). And don’t think I believe we can’t overcome this one – I believe that though we rejoice that are names are “written in heaven” we have “authority…to overcome all the power of the enemy.” (But we have to recognize the need and exercise the authority!)

His Voice…this is the whole point of the thought right? How do “his sheep know his voice?” It is not as if the Lord is speaking to us in an audible voice (not saying he won’t, but it is not commonplace). This is an inner communication through the power of the Holy Spirit.

So where am I going with this? I have come to realize that there is just so much noise in my own head. I believe Jesus when he says that I know his voice. I am one of his sheep after all. What I have come to realize though is that this is a matter of discipline. This is truly a matter of holding every thought captive to Christ. The only way I can know for sure if something I think is from God (or at least in line with the truth or His will) is to hold it up to the light –God himself. I have become better at hearing His voice, but have also come to realize that when He speaks to me about something that I agree with I hear His voice and KNOW it is him. Then there are those times when I hear Him, but I am not real thrilled with what I hear him saying and then I wonder, “Is that God or is that me?”

This is especially difficult when I am trying to listen to Him regarding the kids’ health and treatment. It is even more complicated when things are not going well in this area and when there are times of waiting and times of silence. Still, I trust in His word. I trust that I will seek him and he will be found by me.

Jeremiah 29:12-13

Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Hebrews 11:6

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

James 1:5-6

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

I have a really cool story to share concerning this concept, but I have no more time to write today. Next time I write I will share how listening to his voice multiplied $230 into $580 and provided some much needed peace about the latest “unknown” for the kids’ condition!

Hunker Down...A Long Road

God is good (as we say in my circle of girl friends) all the time.

The last 5 months have been pretty difficult ones. As I reported previously, the twins spent most of November, December, and January plagued by infection after infection. It was only recently that I realized that we had become pretty lax in making sure that we were truly following the healing protocol and giving enough time at each new step.

Today we had our third appointment with our new doc. Dr. Chris is actually a neurological chiropractor who we began consulting in order to rule out any subclinical or subtle neurological explanation for why LittleM cannot swallow. Even after releasing her posterior tongue-tie (which was very severe) this kid still cannot swallow without washing her food down with a large gulp of water. Just image how full she gets this way – on water – not food. It is definitely a problem. It is this reason that she still has to drink most of her nutrition.

Dr. Chris is literally the first person I have found who can truly carry a conversation about FPIES in relation to the immune system in relation to the respiratory involvement, in relation to the neurological involvement… This doctor has been dealing with this issue on a daily basis from a holistic approach long before he met us. This is SO refreshing!

Here is the plan:

Blood Work

Dr. Chris is ordering a number of tests. He is looking at things that have not been looked at like thyroid function, ANA, C-Reactive Protein, Cortisol, and other things as well. Most reassuring is that he is listening to EVERYTHING I am telling me, assuming that I am telling the truth and trying to determine how it all fits together.

We have always said, “These things are a piece of the puzzle, and our doctors don’t even admit that there IS a puzzle.” It is pretty shocking that we have found this kind of medical collaboration with a chiropractor, but hey, I’ll take it!

Diet

Dr. Chris wants us to further restrict the diet until there is significant healing. He is thinking that we may see enough healing in a matter of months to THINK about starting food trials again. As of now, we are not to introduce any new foods (except avocado).

We are adding a supplement that is designed to heal the gut lining. For the first 2 weeks we are to remove all other supplements including probiotics (Dr. Chris explains that the probiotics can be leaking from the damaged gut lining and antibodies may be produced to those as well).

Consultation

Dr. Chris is very humble. He repeatedly tells me that he doesn’t know everything and points out things that are “his opinion.” Today he actually told me that he is not 100% sure of what we SHOULD do, but he is extremely confident of what we SHOULD NOT do.

To that end he informed me that there may come a time when we want to consult with an immunologist that he works with in North Carolina. This man doesn’t see patients. He consults with doctors. He would take the history and labs and then actually do research. He is over $300 per hour! It may or may not come to it, but WOW this is something new!

Lip Tie

Dr. Chris advised us that while trying facial release therapy may be in order to treat LittleM’s newly discovered lip tie, he doesn’t recommend that we give it very long. He feels that it is imperative to get this resolved as soon as possible. After trying to simulate the effect of a major lip-tie in my own mouth and then trying to chew and swallow, I am inclined to schedule the surgery as soon as we can.

LittleR also has multiple lip ties off to the side of his mouth on both sides, but I am not sure if this is restricting his ability or not. I am assuming (simply by the fact that it takes him so long to eat) that it is.

Hunker Down

The main message that Dr. Chris conveyed to me is that we are only in the infantile stages of “attacking” this condition. He warned me that this was going to be a long road, and that there were many issues going on right now that we can’t even THINK about addressing because with the immune system in the state it is in, these issues would not remain resolved.

My favorite thing that he said (only since I KNOW it to be true and people think I am over-reacting), is that the twins have NEVER been “immune-neutral” in their lives.

Muscle Testing: "This isn't working."

It has come to my remembrance that I once mentioned muscle testing in a post some time ago. We had heard about it from our doctor’s office and knew nothing about it – just that it was supposed to be a way to determine (better stated, discern) what foods the twins may or may not react to. Muscle testing, we were told, would be a good indicator of what NOT to try. We were told that if a food “failed” we should consider that food unsafe, but if it passed, we should consider it a “maybe.” We were not told much about how it would work, but that it would be the body leading the whole thing. At the time we didn’t think much about it. We had absolutely NOTHING to go on, and so we figured it would be worth a try…either it would work or not – nothing gained nothing lost.

We went to see a chiropractor who was said to be good at the muscle testing. He was younger and nice enough, but a bit rushed with us. Nevertheless, we were absolutely AMAZED at the results. Shawn would hold each child on his lap with a given food placed next to the chest of the child. Then he would raise his arm up and outstretched and hold firm as Dr. M tried to push the arm down. If the arm stayed up this was a “strong” sign and the food was a pass. If the arm went down this was a weak sign and it was a fail. As I mentioned we were AMAZED with the results. Each child passed and failed a number of foods. LittleR failed more than LittleM; this made sense to us. I was so glad that Shawn was the one who was the “surrogate” since I knew he would be skeptical if he had not actually felt what had happened. No kidding, on the failed foods his arm would simply give way – there was nothing he could do about it, and on the passed foods his arm would NOT go down. There was truly something to this.

We took our list and went home ready to use it as a guideline of what to try next and what to stay away from.

Fast Forward

At one point the same woman at the doctor’s office recommended that I go and have some muscle testing done to help determine what was going on in my body that doctor’s couldn’t answer. I made an appointment with the same chiropractor and had the opportunity to experience the phenomenon for myself. I too was AMAZED at the results of the testing and even more AMAZED at what happened when Dr. M. attempted to use the same practice to determine my course of treatment.

Dr. M. tested multiple points on my body that would “tell him” which parts or systems of my body were not working properly. I help my arm up as he tested different things. My arm was very strong for the most part. I was a little weak when he “tested” my digestive system, but when he got to my thyroid my arm FLEW DOWN to my side. I had been tested for thyroid dysfunction a number of times and had even had more specific testing done to determine that the thyroid looked “good enough,” but I had always suspected that there was perhaps a sub-clinical issue with it. This was AMAZING. I was shocked at the TRUE reaction my body had.

Now it was time to test the treatment. Dr. M. left the room and returned with a couple of supplements in his hands. He placed them on me and began to test again. To my amazement my arm was weak for one and very strong for another. Dr. M. explained that the strong reaction was the right supplement and then told me that we would test for the correct dosage. I was excited! The next thing out of his mouth gave me a whole lot more information than I was expecting.

He said something about how open I was to this and that was why it was going so well. Then he finished, “now just open your mind.”

“Oh SHIT!” Was the next thing that went through my mind.

Yes, I swore about it in my head. I suddenly KNEW what was going on here. I remember all too well my days of “opening my mind to the universe.” I knew that I was NOT interested in opening my mind to ANY spiritual realm that was not firmly rooted and PLANTED in the GOD of the universe. I IMMEDIATELY began repeating the name of Jesus in my head.

“Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…” I kept going.

I was lying there in complete panic, but calmly calling on the Blood that never fails.

Dr. M. was pushing on my arm - testing. “The correct dose is one pill.” Nothing.

“Two pills.” He pushed again, but my arm didn’t move.

“Three pills.” He was going a bit faster now, but again pushed on my arm.

“Four pills.” He paused then went on, “Five, six, seven, eight…” He quickly ran through the numbers up into the teens, and then simply stated, “This isn’t working.”

OH. MY. WORD. I certainly knew what was blocking this “power” from revealing itself. I wanted out of there. I was conflicted about the results though. Dr. M. just told me to start with 2 pills a day. I purchased the supplement (which I have never been able to bring myself to take), went home, and researched muscle testing (Applied Kinesiology) and the occult. I was shocked (but not so much since the experience I had just had) to learn of its roots in the occult, and I thankfully educated on how the practice didn't fit at all with my faith.

I found the list we had gained from the children’s muscle testing and threw it away.

Ephesians 5:11

Take no part in and have no fellowship with the fruitless deeds and enterprises of darkness, but instead [let your lives be so in contrast as to] expose and reprove and convict them.

Colossians 2:8

See to it that no one carries you off as spoil or makes you yourselves captive by his so-called philosophy and intellectualism and vain deceit (idle fancies and plain nonsense), following human tradition (men's ideas of the material rather than the spiritual world), just crude notions following the rudimentary and elemental teachings of the universe and disregarding [the teachings of] Christ (the Messiah).

http://www.gotquestions.org/kinesiology.html

"Yes Nichole, I Will Heal Them"

I am reading a book about embracing the pain you are facing in order to find the “hidden treasures” that the Lord has for you in that dark place. This book will prepare me for a journey of personal healing from things in my past that have gripped me (on some level) for many years. I think that this season with the health of my children is a pretty dark one. It is by no means the darkest season of my life. Not by a long shot. When I give it a second or two of thought, I can see so many treasures that the Lord has given me in this journey. I know beyond any doubt that I am stronger and more able to hear His voice – as a direct result of this journey.

Again and again I have veered by one degree (or maybe just a few) from the path that the Lord has set us on with the kids’ healing. There have been 3 separate seasons during this journey that I have really implored the Lord to heal the children. I have struggled trying to figure out why He has not done so with just one word, or one breath, or one thought, or a thought of a thought. I know full well that this is all it would take for the creator of the universe to heal them. I have struggled with believing that He will. I have wondered if my lack of (enough) faith was the reason they were not being healed in the way that I was asking. But nevertheless, I have petitioned God three major times and each time have come to hear the same thing.

FOLLOW THE PATH THAT I HAVE LAID OUT FOR YOU, AND I WILL PREPARE THEIR BODIES ONE STEP AHEAD.

Hearing these instructions for the third time on January 15^th really made me realize that it was time to stop asking and DO. If faith without works is dead than I need to live out my faith in what God has told me, and I need to do it right.

Over the past few months the kids have been very sick. I had veered from the prescribed healing protocol that God so clearly led us to. Not by a lot, but my a little here and a little there. One little step at a time – adding foods that they were not ready for - led us to a cycle of illness and food reactivity. LittleM and LittleR had multiple ear infections, general respiratory infections, stomach bugs, and bronchitis twice (probable pneumonia for LittleR). All of these illnesses took place in just over 2 months. They were never well for more than 4 or 5 days before the next illness set in. This really brought me to a place of fear and questioning - and ultimately petitioning God for that healing zap. What I failed to realize at the time is that we had not gone backward for no reason, but because I had not stuck to the path that had been laid out – BY GOD – for their healing.

It took me three times of hearing God “tell” me to follow this healing protocol for me to realize that he was not saying “no.” He was actually telling me, “Yes Nichole, I will heal your children – just not in the way you are asking me to.”

After realizing this and thinking that I had surrendered to this PROMISE I took the kids to the new immunology and allergy specialist. This was a nightmare! But it showed me yet again where I was not truly surrendering. I was still looking for answers and still trying to figure things out outside of God’s leading. It took 2 more weeks for me to really get it.

On January 29^th I knew that something was about to change. LittleR was sick. LittleM’s immune system was actually fighting off this illness – all she wanted to do was sleep, but LittleR was sick. His temperature had reached 102 degrees (this new illness started on the same day we finished antibiotics from the last illness!) I sent out an email to my Mom’s Group for Prayer.

Hello Ladies!

I hope that you all had a blessed day! I have had a very long, difficult day...but a BLESSED day!!

I just want to ask for prayer for M and R. We didn't even finish the antibiotic for R's most recent ear infection when the new illness started. Yesterday afternoon R spiked a fever and it has just progressed from there. It is 102 tonight and he is complaining that his stomach hurts, he seems to be achy (best I can discern), and does not want to eat anything. The doctor thinks it is a virus that is going around. The one thing that concerns me at this point is that the lymph nodes behind his ear (that was just recently ruptured) are VERY swollen. I don't want to see complications with the healing of that eardrum. I did test his hearing by whispering questions to him on that side. With each question I got further away and as quiet as I could - he answered all of them.

God is good - I know we will get through this, in the long run. Right now I am praying that this cycle of illness will be interrupted so that we can get back onto the path of healing that the Lord as marked out for us.

Thanks ladies! Love to you all!

Nichole

The mom’s emailed back and prayed and a few hours later the Group's mentor, an incredible woman of faith emailed back her prayer.

Father in the Name of Jesus I join Nicole's prayer and I decree and declare in the Name of Jesus that this cycle of illness leave now by the power in the Name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth and the power in His Blood that was shed at Calvary. I pray that the wind of the Holy Spirit go thru the G. house and clean it of any spirits of infirmity. Amen so be it in Jesus Name. And I ask the Angels of the Lord to stand guard, and protect it from any more intrusion of the enemy.

Love Becky

Becky sent that email at 8:32 p.m. I didn’t check on LittleR until around 10:30 that night, but his fever was gone. It never returned.

Oh – and just in case you were thinking this was just one of those 48 hour bugs – maybe so, but LittleM and LittleR have never had a 24 or 48 hour bug. Actually they have. They have gotten things that for their cousins were, but those same bugs for them always last 10 to 14 day bugs.

Today LittleM and LittleR have been well for 2 weeks and 1 day!