Sunday, July 25, 2010

The Trick - Cease Striving

It is becoming more and more evident that we are at a turning point in this journey.

About ten days ago we took the twins to their GI specialist. In preparation for the appointment I had decided that I was done. Finished. I decided that I could not – would not – leave Dr. D.’s office without him ordering more tests. After the first update and exam I could sense that he was about to give me the thumbs up – we’ll see ya next time… So I started advocating right then and there. He fought me – treated me like I was an overdramatic hypochondriac, but I kept on. He got half way through the second exam and thanks to the terrible GI disturbances going on with the twins – he had the opportunity to test BabyR’s stool for blood. He left the room with the test and returned a few minutes later – singing an entirely different tune. He ordered ALL the appropriate tests. A bunch of viles of blood and 4 stool samples later (2 for each) we sit and wait.

Infection = Treatment then Colonoscopy and Endoscopy

No Infection = Colonoscopy and Endoscopy.

I have been fighting for these tests for about a year. They are the only way we can rule out some of the “worst case scenarios” – or rule them in.

But this is not really where the road makes it’s bend. It is in the journey of faith that I see the crossroad. As a mom with sick children I see it as my job to research, learn, advocate, fight, and keep on going. Perhaps I rely on my own abilities too much at times. There are certainly times when I try well beyond my power and strength and finally fall at the feet of the cross – exhausted.

I found myself here in this moment – trying to “be still.” This message had been laid on my heart and then directly confirmed through one of those little “coincidences.” When I looked deeper into this scripture in Psalm 46, I discovered that there is a subtlety to the term “be still” that implies a direction to “cease striving.” Here I am fighting against everything in my flesh that tells me to keep going, researching, advocating, trying to find THE answer…waiting on Him.

“Cease striving and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10

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