A Beautiful, Timely, Perfect Symphony

It’s funny how sometimes the slightest variation in perspective can really change the way you see things.

For months we have known that our food expenditures were surpassing our food budget, but with the very specific kinds of foods that we have needed to buy, we have not had much of a choice. Thankfully we have always been able to cover the expense one way or another.

Just this week, we realized that beginning next month our car would be paid off and we would have about $115 “extra” per month. Believe it or not, this was actually frustrating to me because, wouldn’t you know, we would have to allocate the extra money (at least in part) to balancing our food budget. I was frustrated because every time without fail that we have had money free-up in our budget there has been something else that swoops right in and gobbles it up. God has been teaching Shawn and me all about relying on him for our finances ever since we have been married. Honestly God has provided for us in some really amazing and creative ways. I am certainly not blind to the fact that he stretches a very meager one income VERY far beyond the economy of this world.

***As an example: We live in a home that we rent from relatives of a relative. This is a 3 bedroom ranch home with a full finished basement, two car garage, rear patio…in a quiet family friendly college town…so how much should this cost??? I would estimate at least $1200 per month. We could NOT afford a rent like this. It is difficult to really imagine how we would afford a large enough rental for the four of us to live comfortably based on the economy of our income. By the grace of God, we pay a fraction of the market price for this rental. This is just ONE example of how God stretches our meager income each and every month.***

Still, yesterday as I was going over the new budget with Shawn, I was frustrated. “Why is it that every time we get ahead with our finances we are still at zero. What is God trying to teach us,” I asked? As Shawn encouraged me that it wouldn’t be like this forever (he finished his bachelors this summer!), a little bit of perspective popped into my head. I realized that our food NEEDS at this point stretch beyond the amount that we have been exceeding our food budget. I realized that my kids are EATING REAL FOOD – that in the months to come we would need to be buying enough food to sustain TWO MORE PEOPLE. Since the “million dollar formula” is covered by our insurance, there would be no money to reallocate to real food once they are done with the formula.

Did I just say that…DONE WITH THE FORMULA????

Suddenly I was in awe of God’s provision for my family once again. Shawn and I talked about how if the car had been paid off earlier (we almost paid it off with last year’s tax return) that money would already have been reallocated to something else. In that moment it was as if we could SEE The Great Conductor’s hand gracefully moving his baton bringing a beautiful, timely, perfect symphony to our ears.

Suddenly we realized that $115 a month will probably feed a couple of 2 year olds on the GAPS protocol perfectly.

Wait and Walk

Soup...It's what's for dinner...and breakfast...and lunch....and snack...


LittleM and LittleR have been eating soup and soup broth now for 7 days. My intention had been to cook the soup, but strain off the vegetables and give them the broth. This would include the nutrients and at least some of the proteins (the reaction causing component of any food) to remain in the food, while removing the fibrous part of the vegetables which can be too harsh on damaged gut walls. Apparently LittleR was not interested in that scenario. He begged for soup.


So…at 10:15 in the morning that is what he got. Both of the little ones climbed up into their chairs and buckled themselves in and kept on asking until the food was on the table. LittleR asked for 4 helpings! LittleM was a little more conservative, but consumed at least some of everything.


Both of the twins enjoy chewing, but would rather get a new piece to chew than take the time and put in the effort to swallow. Not only does this cause a mess, and waste a lot of their very expensive food, but it also means they are not getting the calories from the food that they need (in order to transition from the formula). Within the next few weeks they will be seeing a new occupational therapist to evaluate the problem…is this functional/physiological or is it behavioral?

So what happened?

LittleM has not been all that interested in eating more of her soup so I have had to get it into her by using it to mix her formula (instead of water). Day 2 was a bit interesting as she insisted that she needed to go “poopy” many times throughout the day, but each time sat down to pass some gas and that was it. It was a bit nerve-racking to wonder if she was going to have an explosive poop reaction, but with each worry, I just handed it over to God and trusted that this was the road he wanted us to be walking on. We just had to wait and walk.

LittleR has been VERY interested in eating his soup. He will ask for 3 or 4 servings each time he has it. At this point he has a yeasty diaper rash (caused by die-off of the bad organisms in his gut) but that is it!


I can’t say it has been easy to jump into this. This goes against everything that an FPIES momma knows. When we offer new foods we do it one at a time. We almost always see some signs of a reacting and have to determine the cause and decide if we will continue on or stop the trial. Trialing this many foods at once is just…well…crazy. Pushing through these “symptoms” that the twins are experiencing is counter-intuitive. All I can say is that I believe God has done some healing work in them and that He will be walking one step ahead of us preparing the way.

We just have to wait and walk.

So What's Next?

We will be waiting for the die-off symptoms to subside and then introducing fresh egg yolk from pastured (non-soy fed) hens. I anticipate this will be sometime this week. Once they maintain baseline from any further die-off with the egg yolk we will add in raw yogurt or sour cream from grass-fed goats.


This is exciting – but handing the worry over to God is a moment by moment reality.

The New Plan

“…they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.”
Mark 16:18

A little over a week ago we brought the twins to a special church service where an evangelist with a ministry in deliverance and healing was speaking. Though he was not planning to lay hands and pray for individuals at this particular service, he granted my request (with a brief explanation of the twins condition) by saying, “That’s a big one. Let’s pray.” Just afterward, a friend asked me if LittleR usually “shakes” (he does not) and told me that he was shaking while he was being prayed for.

Ok…what does that mean? It’s difficult to tell when you are talking about a toddler who cannot tell you what he is feeling or what he has experienced. I know that for me, the two times I have experienced healing from having hands laid on me and being prayed for, I felt some sort of power. Can’t really explain it – maybe I would compare it to a feeling of electricity. Unfortunately there is nothing the twins can tell me (at their age) to help me gauge what, if anything, had happened.

As we left church that night it was hard to really feel much either way. It doesn’t take some special speaker at church for God to move and heal, but this was the first time we have had anyone (other than Shawn and I) lay hands on them and pray for healing.

THE PROOF IS IN THE POOP

Still, since then, the twins have had the first NORMAL stools of their ENTIRE lives. Even LittleR, who was on amoxicillin for 2 days before and 2 days after and now the Z-Pack for the last 3days, is having normal stools. NORMAL. This is absolutely unheard of for an FPIES (E for Enterocolitis) child. Believe me – we FPIES mommas have more knowledge of poop than you could ever want, AND pictures to prove it!

So…Coincidence? I just don’t believe in coincidence anymore.

THE PLAN

After a lot of prayer and discussion we decided that this week we would take the next step in the GAPS healing protocol, but we would NOT modify it for FPIES. We would make a soup with a bunch of vegetables all at once instead of trialing them one at a time. We decided to walk in faith – knowing that there was a chance that we had misread God and would be starting back at step 1 with the protocol. So yesterday I went shopping and bought all the veggies.

MORE PRAYER FIRST

I was deep in prayer today and in my quiet time as I was just waiting for the Lord to speak to my heart, I heard some pretty amazing words. “I have delivered you. Now walk into the light.” This is really what I have been waiting to hear for a long time, but was it really God? Was it just my wishful thinking? I just kept praying. I went to some resources on healing and then into my Bible. I found myself led to a passage I had never seen before.

Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you. Exodus 23:25

This passage goes on into the details of God’s promise to go ahead of the Israelites and prepare their way. He promised to defeat their enemies and/or make them retreat. God also revealed that he would not do it all in a “single year” but that “little by little” he would “drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.”

DELIVERED

So what does this mean to me? What does this say about this journey with LittleM and LittleR? I believe that the still small voice inside my heart today was in fact God talking to me. I believe that he has “delivered” the twins and that he will go “little by little” ahead of us in each step that we take – preparing the way – granting “his blessing [on their] food and water” – walking them into their promise land.

THE NEW PLAN

God has spoken to me many times and in many ways about a light at the end of this tunnel. The only thing we can do now is to walk in faith – into the light.