A Beautiful, Timely, Perfect Symphony

It’s funny how sometimes the slightest variation in perspective can really change the way you see things.

For months we have known that our food expenditures were surpassing our food budget, but with the very specific kinds of foods that we have needed to buy, we have not had much of a choice. Thankfully we have always been able to cover the expense one way or another.

Just this week, we realized that beginning next month our car would be paid off and we would have about $115 “extra” per month. Believe it or not, this was actually frustrating to me because, wouldn’t you know, we would have to allocate the extra money (at least in part) to balancing our food budget. I was frustrated because every time without fail that we have had money free-up in our budget there has been something else that swoops right in and gobbles it up. God has been teaching Shawn and me all about relying on him for our finances ever since we have been married. Honestly God has provided for us in some really amazing and creative ways. I am certainly not blind to the fact that he stretches a very meager one income VERY far beyond the economy of this world.

***As an example: We live in a home that we rent from relatives of a relative. This is a 3 bedroom ranch home with a full finished basement, two car garage, rear patio…in a quiet family friendly college town…so how much should this cost??? I would estimate at least $1200 per month. We could NOT afford a rent like this. It is difficult to really imagine how we would afford a large enough rental for the four of us to live comfortably based on the economy of our income. By the grace of God, we pay a fraction of the market price for this rental. This is just ONE example of how God stretches our meager income each and every month.***

Still, yesterday as I was going over the new budget with Shawn, I was frustrated. “Why is it that every time we get ahead with our finances we are still at zero. What is God trying to teach us,” I asked? As Shawn encouraged me that it wouldn’t be like this forever (he finished his bachelors this summer!), a little bit of perspective popped into my head. I realized that our food NEEDS at this point stretch beyond the amount that we have been exceeding our food budget. I realized that my kids are EATING REAL FOOD – that in the months to come we would need to be buying enough food to sustain TWO MORE PEOPLE. Since the “million dollar formula” is covered by our insurance, there would be no money to reallocate to real food once they are done with the formula.

Did I just say that…DONE WITH THE FORMULA????

Suddenly I was in awe of God’s provision for my family once again. Shawn and I talked about how if the car had been paid off earlier (we almost paid it off with last year’s tax return) that money would already have been reallocated to something else. In that moment it was as if we could SEE The Great Conductor’s hand gracefully moving his baton bringing a beautiful, timely, perfect symphony to our ears.

Suddenly we realized that $115 a month will probably feed a couple of 2 year olds on the GAPS protocol perfectly.

Wait and Walk

Soup...It's what's for dinner...and breakfast...and lunch....and snack...


LittleM and LittleR have been eating soup and soup broth now for 7 days. My intention had been to cook the soup, but strain off the vegetables and give them the broth. This would include the nutrients and at least some of the proteins (the reaction causing component of any food) to remain in the food, while removing the fibrous part of the vegetables which can be too harsh on damaged gut walls. Apparently LittleR was not interested in that scenario. He begged for soup.


So…at 10:15 in the morning that is what he got. Both of the little ones climbed up into their chairs and buckled themselves in and kept on asking until the food was on the table. LittleR asked for 4 helpings! LittleM was a little more conservative, but consumed at least some of everything.


Both of the twins enjoy chewing, but would rather get a new piece to chew than take the time and put in the effort to swallow. Not only does this cause a mess, and waste a lot of their very expensive food, but it also means they are not getting the calories from the food that they need (in order to transition from the formula). Within the next few weeks they will be seeing a new occupational therapist to evaluate the problem…is this functional/physiological or is it behavioral?

So what happened?

LittleM has not been all that interested in eating more of her soup so I have had to get it into her by using it to mix her formula (instead of water). Day 2 was a bit interesting as she insisted that she needed to go “poopy” many times throughout the day, but each time sat down to pass some gas and that was it. It was a bit nerve-racking to wonder if she was going to have an explosive poop reaction, but with each worry, I just handed it over to God and trusted that this was the road he wanted us to be walking on. We just had to wait and walk.

LittleR has been VERY interested in eating his soup. He will ask for 3 or 4 servings each time he has it. At this point he has a yeasty diaper rash (caused by die-off of the bad organisms in his gut) but that is it!


I can’t say it has been easy to jump into this. This goes against everything that an FPIES momma knows. When we offer new foods we do it one at a time. We almost always see some signs of a reacting and have to determine the cause and decide if we will continue on or stop the trial. Trialing this many foods at once is just…well…crazy. Pushing through these “symptoms” that the twins are experiencing is counter-intuitive. All I can say is that I believe God has done some healing work in them and that He will be walking one step ahead of us preparing the way.

We just have to wait and walk.

So What's Next?

We will be waiting for the die-off symptoms to subside and then introducing fresh egg yolk from pastured (non-soy fed) hens. I anticipate this will be sometime this week. Once they maintain baseline from any further die-off with the egg yolk we will add in raw yogurt or sour cream from grass-fed goats.


This is exciting – but handing the worry over to God is a moment by moment reality.

The New Plan

“…they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.”
Mark 16:18

A little over a week ago we brought the twins to a special church service where an evangelist with a ministry in deliverance and healing was speaking. Though he was not planning to lay hands and pray for individuals at this particular service, he granted my request (with a brief explanation of the twins condition) by saying, “That’s a big one. Let’s pray.” Just afterward, a friend asked me if LittleR usually “shakes” (he does not) and told me that he was shaking while he was being prayed for.

Ok…what does that mean? It’s difficult to tell when you are talking about a toddler who cannot tell you what he is feeling or what he has experienced. I know that for me, the two times I have experienced healing from having hands laid on me and being prayed for, I felt some sort of power. Can’t really explain it – maybe I would compare it to a feeling of electricity. Unfortunately there is nothing the twins can tell me (at their age) to help me gauge what, if anything, had happened.

As we left church that night it was hard to really feel much either way. It doesn’t take some special speaker at church for God to move and heal, but this was the first time we have had anyone (other than Shawn and I) lay hands on them and pray for healing.

THE PROOF IS IN THE POOP

Still, since then, the twins have had the first NORMAL stools of their ENTIRE lives. Even LittleR, who was on amoxicillin for 2 days before and 2 days after and now the Z-Pack for the last 3days, is having normal stools. NORMAL. This is absolutely unheard of for an FPIES (E for Enterocolitis) child. Believe me – we FPIES mommas have more knowledge of poop than you could ever want, AND pictures to prove it!

So…Coincidence? I just don’t believe in coincidence anymore.

THE PLAN

After a lot of prayer and discussion we decided that this week we would take the next step in the GAPS healing protocol, but we would NOT modify it for FPIES. We would make a soup with a bunch of vegetables all at once instead of trialing them one at a time. We decided to walk in faith – knowing that there was a chance that we had misread God and would be starting back at step 1 with the protocol. So yesterday I went shopping and bought all the veggies.

MORE PRAYER FIRST

I was deep in prayer today and in my quiet time as I was just waiting for the Lord to speak to my heart, I heard some pretty amazing words. “I have delivered you. Now walk into the light.” This is really what I have been waiting to hear for a long time, but was it really God? Was it just my wishful thinking? I just kept praying. I went to some resources on healing and then into my Bible. I found myself led to a passage I had never seen before.

Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you. Exodus 23:25

This passage goes on into the details of God’s promise to go ahead of the Israelites and prepare their way. He promised to defeat their enemies and/or make them retreat. God also revealed that he would not do it all in a “single year” but that “little by little” he would “drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.”

DELIVERED

So what does this mean to me? What does this say about this journey with LittleM and LittleR? I believe that the still small voice inside my heart today was in fact God talking to me. I believe that he has “delivered” the twins and that he will go “little by little” ahead of us in each step that we take – preparing the way – granting “his blessing [on their] food and water” – walking them into their promise land.

THE NEW PLAN

God has spoken to me many times and in many ways about a light at the end of this tunnel. The only thing we can do now is to walk in faith – into the light.

Humbled by His Provision

Ecclesiastes teaches that there is a time for everything.

Concerning this journey with FPIES there have been clear seasons set before me. The order of these seasons has been clear (in hind sight). Over the past two years we have journeyed through seasons of searching (for answers), fighting (with the medical community), waiting (and seeking answers from God), and acting (in faith in the direction He has pointed us toward).

Recently we came face to face with some difficult (yet exciting) confirmations regarding our FPIES journey. These confirmations didn’t come from the medical community or even from personal experience in treatment. To the contrary these confirmations were significantly personal and at times supernatural. An onlooker (or a skeptic) might just look at the evidence laid before them and say – coincidence. That is ok. I cannot pass my faith on to the onlooker. I can only proceed as God leads, share my story, and let HIM do the rest.

Today find myself sitting in awe – in a different season (though I have been heading into this season for some time).

Backing up for a moment…

All of these confirmations that I have received are leading us into an entirely different realm regarding FPIES. I am entirely convinced that God has led us to an alternative healing protocol for the twins. This protocol is a healing diet developed by a British Neurologist who is also a Doctor of Nutrition. Through her many years in practice she has found a link between psychological ailments and the gut. Her healing protocol focuses on healing the gut in order to impact the psychological symptoms of ADD, ADHD, Depression, as well as more serious diagnosis such as Autism, Bi-Polar, and Schizophrenia. So what does this have to do with FPIES or the twins? Honestly we will never truly know. Had we continued to feed them foods without proper healing who knows what symptoms they would have developed, but that is a different topic all together.

At every turn we have had confirmation that this protocol is the path that we are to walk down. In faith we began this journey weeks ago. As a result the twins are consuming bone broth without incident. Praise God! Unfortunately because they have not been able to eat food, they did not develop normal eating skills. At two years old they do not know how to chew and swallow solid foods. This presents a problem with moving forward in a timely manner. Sure we could wait until they catch up, but at what cost of healing? And what good would it be to get them swallowing if they have nothing to swallow. In order to move forward we have a need for some special equipment. Thanks to the West Coast Nichole (also doing this protocol with her FPIES daughter) we are aware of a machine that can help with this issue.

The Vitamix…the $500 machine!

How on earth would we afford a $500 blender? Thank God that HIS economy is not limited by the construct of ours! Without any worry I put this need into God’s hands. I just KNEW that he would provide if this was truly the path he was leading us down. I knew that we could apply for a grant from the Kelly Ann Dolan Fund to pay for the machine. Since we needed a medical professional to apply for us we brought the kids feeding therapist, Kelly (no relation to the fund), in on the plan. She was more than willing to help us apply for the grant and encouraged us to apply under both children in hopes that since it was for two children they would pay the full amount.

Back to today and this new season…

Today Kelly came for therapy. The first thing she told me was that we had heard back from the fund. She happily reported that they paid $200 toward the machine AND that she had paid the rest and gone ahead and ordered it. I thanked her, took a deep breath, and asked what the balance was (so that I could start working on covering it). This woman who we have only been seeing since December looked at me and said, “Don’t worry about that, I am covering it.”

What??? I looked at her with a “look” and said, “I can’t ask you to do that – We will figure it out.”

“Oh no,” she answered, “It is covered and I will write it off at the end of the year for taxes…really.” Her tone was resolved and her non-verbal communication was firm.
In my humanness I wanted to tell her no, but when you are looking right at God’s provision how do you say anything but thank you. I thanked her several times – I was choked up. She smiled. What an amazing person.

I think back to our doctor who decided to GIVE the twins their immunotherapy at no cost until we could pay (if ever) – and I think, “people like that just don’t exist today.” I think of the people who are friends (but NEW friends) who, in the name of God, gave us the entire amount needed to pay for those treatments ($2200) and I think, “people like that just don’t exist today.” There have been many more moments like this along the way. How could all of this be just one big coincidence? How could any of this be anything other than GOD? I have no doubts – none.

Back to my point – there is a time for everything.

1 Peter 5:6 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”

This is the time to be humble. I am so humbled by His provision.

Thank you Lord.

I See The Light

In this entire journey I have said it again and again; “I do not believe in coincidences.”

Over the course of this particular day there have been quite a few things that have come my way…coincidentally. There have been certain things “confirmed” today that I cannot even truly explain to most anyone. Perhaps the only people who will truly understand the magnitude of these coincidences will be those who have walked very closely beside me through this entire journey – and perhaps many of them will not even truly understand my belief in what I have learned today. Still, I know, very deep inside of my very being that these things are true.

For 18 months I have had this very real nagging sense that every decision we would make regarding the twins diet (as well as vaccine schedule) would determine their physical and mental health. Beginning with the first food fails of rice and sweet potato at 6 months old; I had this gnawing sense that continuing with trials (like our doctors wanted us to) would potentially lead my children to the autism spectrum. This is not something that I can be sure of. There is no way for me to prove it or to know for certain. I am not saying that. I am simply saying that there has been a very specific and very real sense of this deep inside of me. I have shared this with my husband all along the way. For a long time he could not talk about it. As time went on and we watched LittleR engage in certain behaviors – such as banging his head on the floor for no apparent reason – this topic became even more difficult to talk about.

Today during occupational (feeding) therapy I received some kind of confirmation of my deep seeded feelings about how autism could relate to LittleR. I was explain to the therapist that he is just too busy to sit and drink his formula, but that if we strapped him into his car seat to drink he would settle down enough to do so. She began talking about this being a sensory issue. She went on to identify a bunch of other sensory issues. I nodded and repeatedly said, “Yeah – that’s LittleR.” Making sure not to offend me Miss R. said, “I’m not saying I think he’s on the spectrum or anything.” “Wow,” I thought, “I didn’t think you were but wow.” I asked her if ASD kids have these sorts of sensory issues, to which she answered, “Oh yes.”

Honestly I almost felt like I was just punched in the gut. This felt an awful lot like a confirmation of my fears. It makes every step from here on out just as important as every step that I have taken to get to this point. I asked Miss R. what she thinks would have happened if we had just kept going feeding them foods back at 6 months. She agreed with me that today we would likely be looking at something entirely different – maybe autism – who knows.

Because of my own battles with food, I have been becoming painfully aware that food could indeed cause a whole host of neurological symptoms. By the time I actually gave in and looked into the GAPS diet, this “Gut and Psychology Syndrome” did not seem like a far stretch to me at all. Interestingly, as the diet was continuously brought before me in various “coincidental” ways, I was unaware that it was originally developed by a British neurologist to treat autism. I cannot count this small fact a coincidence in relation to my instincts about autism and my children.

At this point I feel such a heavy responsibility regarding our next steps. With all that I believe as being confirmed, I am realizing anew that this is so much bigger than finding a list of “safe foods” for LittleM and LittleR. The next steps we take – making the impossible decision to take this very slowly – even denying my precious little ones the basic desire/right to eat food – fighting off the urge to just let them have a bite of this or a piece of that – THIS IS CRITICALLY IMPROTANT TO THEIR HEALTH – THEIR FUTURE – THEIR VERY BEINGS.

Wow, God, what a HUGE responsibility. I am so relieved that I do not have to do this in my own strength. Honestly – just looking at the protocol that we will need to adhere to for this GAPS program feels just too huge. Thank the Lord that he is my strength – that I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

As a side note:

There are currently a bunch of FPIES mom’s who are bringing their children to New Jersey to the Pediatric Center for Rare and Complex Diseases to see a research doctor who is conducting a study directly related to autism. Dr. J. is not trying to link FPIES to autism, the FPIES participants in the study are actually being used to gather data on non-ASD children with similar food allergies (if I understand correctly). Still, she is very educated on FPIES and is being considered an expert on the subject by some. Dr. J. personally states her opinion that certain vaccines may be contraindicated for the FPIES child. Besides that confirmation of my own intuition, I cannot count this autism link to FPIES as a coincidence.

Back to today:

I have received a clear and repeated message from God concerning this situation with the twin’s health. This line – which as become my mantra – first came to me this past summer. There was a woman, I., who joined the mom’s group that I lead for my church. At each group meeting each mom is asked to chare her high and low points from the previous week. During the second meeting, I shared a high point and then as you can imagine my low point was somehow related to the twin’s condition. A few days later, I. sent me the following email message:

Nichole:

I have been praying for you and your children quite a lot lately. You have to continue to pray and not let the enemy put negative thoughts in your head. The Lord will do amazing things. I feel that you are tired, weary. I sense through prayer that you are tired emotionaly and spiritually. You know the Lord Jesus can do miracles; however, you often wonder if He will performed one in your children's health.

It might seem like there is a dark heavy cloud over you and your family- wherever you walk the cloud follows you; but that cloud will bring rain....rain of blessings! The sun will come out and you will know that He is God. Please continue to PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens) and do not give up. It is hard and overwhelming but you will soon see the Light at the end of the Tunnel.

For you...Psalm 46:10

Believe me when I say, there is always a purpose. If God brings you to IT, He will lead you through IT.

I am blessed to have met you. I want to be part of that miracle!

Blessings,

I.

Little did she know, I had said to a friend of mine just days before the EXACT things that she "sensed through prayer." This was God confirming his message to me. Surely, if God gave her that knowledge – the message that she delivered must have been from Him too.

“You will soon see the light at the end of the tunnel.”

I have held on to this promise through my darkest moments in this journey. What’s more, this message has come to me from various different sources – repeatedly. Each time I would receive this word from another avenue, the promise would be reinforced in my heart.

As we have ventured into this new and VERY alternative treatment for the twins I have been careful to move when I hear God saying move and wait when I hear him tell me to wait. My friend across the country has been right there – in the same spot – further confirming God’s voice through each of us. And now, days into this crazy leap of faith, we see the children responding well. We see them (so far) tolerating REAL FOOD (bone broths). All the while we are praying and hoping that this is it – that this is the beginning of the end.

Tonight I met a friend out to chat and catch up. One of the first things she asked me was, “So how are the broths going?”

“I think they are going well,” I said. “They have been on chicken, beef, and lamb, and yeah – they seem to be doing well with them.”

“Wow, that’s really great,” she said – she was smiling. “So do you feel like this is like the light at the end of the tunnel?” she said.

I was really stunned when I heard THOSE words come out of Tiffany’s mouth. I am pretty sure she thought that I was angry with the cliché. I think I answered back something like, “are you serious?” I know my tone was precarious. I honestly wasn’t sure if she was repeating the mantra back to me or if she had no idea of the significance of the term in this journey. The answer was the latter. Tiffany had no idea.

I sat there, shocked, for a few moments. I was unable to articulate what I was thinking or feeling. I felt as though I might cry or call out yippee or something like it. The truth is, I have been feeling like maybe – just maybe this is the light at the end of the tunnel. Tonight that changes though. I believe that I just got a little bit of confirmation from above.

As we were sitting there chatting my cell phone rang – it was the Vitamin Shoppe calling to let me know that the probiotic I had asked them to get WEEKS ago just came in. Honestly I forgot that I had even asked about it. Perhaps this timing was more of God’s timing as I have been hunting high and low for a safe probiotic for our FPIES babes. Coincidence? I don’t see how.

Just this afternoon we decided to take another step of faith to prepare our family to share meals together. We decided it was time to bring the dining room table back into the dining room. This may seem very small, but this was truly an exciting moment for Shawn and I. We have arranged our entire lives – small things that most people take for granted – around our children’s needs. All the while we were all missing out on “normal” time spent with one another.

I won’t pretend to know what is on the other side of this. God has not told me that my children will be completely healed. What he has said is that I will see the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe that there is an end to this, but I know that He is God and I am not. Whether the children will be completely healed or whether they will have a short list or even a long list of foods that are safe – I do not know. What I know is that there will be healing. There will be an end to this impossibly heartbreaking existence. It WILL be ok.

We still have a long way to go. And now we are tasked with moving forward – slowly, carefully...boldly.

Too Big For Email

Although it has been some time since I have written, a lot has been happening. It is funny though, because to most people the past few weeks would seem to have moved very slowly!

We began with LittleR’s “feeding tube follow-up” on the 9th. It is only by the grace of GOD that that boy was cleared! Since he was put on “feeding tube watch” in December, he didn’t gain a single ounce. NOPE – not ONE! That is until SIX days before his appointment on the 9th. As it turns out, one of the medications we were trying (to promote intestinal healing) was suppressing his appetite. Six days out – after praying for wisdom and direction – I heard God telling me that he had already given it and that I needed to use it. I made the decision right then to take him off the medication. Over the next six days LittleR gained enough to be cleared for THREE months!

On to the next bit of wisdom and direction…

For months now my attention has been drawn to a diet that is used to promote intestinal healing. This protocol was brought to me from numerous directions - on a consistent basis for many months. At first I dismissed the notion thinking, “why is this being recommended to me – my kids can’t eat food.” But the diet kept coming back to me from one person or another. Finally one day it came to me from a place very close to home and from a very trusted source. Almost as if God was REALLY trying to get my attention with it this time. At first I didn’t even recognize that it was the same diet that had I had been hearing about. It was not until after I was actually researching it that I realized it was.

So with prayer and discernment we decided to try it. I had gotten a cow bone and was prepared to make bone broth for the kids. Then I got “wacked” with this diet again. A friend from across the country had started beef bone broth! WHAT? We were planning to start it the very next day – and we did. The kids did well with the broth. There was no overt reaction, but some strange changes with the stool that I would noted in order to keep an eye on. When LittleM passed a stool that was frothy with white curds in it, I reached out to the West Coast version of me (Ha! I am really starting to wonder if that is true). Confident with her advice I pushed on. For the first time in months BabyM was able to “go” without the help of a laxative. Was this good or bad? A few days later she began to refuse the broth. Great. Historically this is the first clue that LittleM is not tolerating a food. LittleR was still loving his “soup” and eating it a couple of times a day. His stools were improving and there was nothing questionable about them. Still we would have to wait and watch to see if there would be a “build reaction.”



The good and bad news is that we had to stop the broth. This really is a good thing because we only stopped so that the kids could get their immunotherapy treatments. They would have to follow a strict diet surrounding shot time. We are now outside of those “critical days,” but we still have to wait for the T-cells to mature – three more weeks of waiting.

Yesterday I was in prayer – asking the Lord yet again for wisdom. There are times when I just feel so overwhelmed and afraid that I become paralyzed with the decisions concerning what to do next with them. There is no doctor who can tell me, “do this, feed them this, give them this, and they will get better.” As an FPIES mom this is just not a luxury we have. We are forced to go out on a limb – on a gang plank (this is how it often feels) – and make the decisions for our kids with no real (or worthy) guidance. I told God I just needed direction on what to do next. I said, “We have chicken broth in the fridge – is that next?” I know God is awesome and his ways are so much greater than mine, but I rarely expect to have such a clear and quick answer to my prayers. All the same, yesterday afternoon BabyM asked for soup. She hadn’t even mentioned it in DAYS – since the treatment on the 16th – and she wasn’t exactly asking for it last night…she was DEMANDING it.

Ok God, I hear you. I gave them chicken bone broth yesterday, and sat wondering still on how to proceed from here.

As it turns out there are a few moms out there who possess (and proclaim) a strong faith in God and it seems that these moms are being “wacked” with this diet just as I am. It is coming from EVERY direction right now. Is this the answer??? Just this week on a call with some of the moms it seems that we are all interested in at least some of the aspects of this diet. Just today my West Coast friend gives me some more news about how to proceed with this diet. She and I have both been contacting the creator of the diet and this doctor recently gave quite a wake-up call. In a nut shell she said not to let FEAR drive our decision.

I emailed my friend and asked her to call if she had time because this conversation was just too big for email. During the course of our chat we each shared how GOD had led each of us to this diet – but even more than that how God has lead both of us through a journey that would even allow us to CONSIDER this very alternative option.

I am amazed to think about how I even met this FPIES mom. Before her daughter had an official diagnosis of FPIES this woman asked for help with insurance coverage to put her daughter on an elemental formula. God laid it on my heart to send her some of ours so that she could at least SEE if it helped. Here we are many months later seemingly on the SAME path. Still, we are both desperate to know how to proceed.

Today I reminded her of a bit of truth to consider. I was speaking just as much to myself.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7

So I have to ask myself during those times when I sit here stuck and not moving forward – what is my motivation. Am I using sound minded discernment – am I waiting on HIM – or am I paralyzed with fear - holding onto something that defines the situation, but offers no solution.

Here We Go...Believing!

Somehow cooking is by far the favorite activity of my children – both of whom cannot eat the food they cook.



Still, they LOVE the activity, and don’t seem to realize they are being deprived of eating the finished product. There is no doubt the reason for that is that we don’t eat the finished product until after they have gone to bed. I guess it is no different than any other project we do together. When we color a picture or do a puzzle we don’t eat it when we are done!

Cooking with LittleM and LittleR is a bit of a hazardous experience. I let them do most things – well anything that won’t cut or burn them. They come into direct contact with the food every time we cook – no matter how careful or vigilant I am. At times I wonder if I am just plain crazy and then I realize that it is no different than allowing a middle-schooler to do a science experiment with semi-hazardous materials. You have to take safely precautions and be prepared for anything.

The fact that they love cooking so much has actually helped out quite a lot. It used to be that I didn’t even start prepping dinner until after they were in bed between 7 and 8 at night. Now on those days when I endeavor to cook with them, dinner is generally coming out of the oven when we finish tucking them in bed. That is a nice treat. Oddly enough we still have yet to eat a hot meal! So far something has come up each time I plate the hot food – one of the kids needs another song or an extra pacifier. I am certain this is a numbers game and sooner or later we will actually eat a hot meal!

To be completely honest I second guess the decision to let them cook all the time. I often wonder if giving LittleM a play kitchen for Christmas was some strange form of cruelty. But a very large part of the decision to expose them to food in these ways is an exercise in FAITH – believing that they WILL be able to eat food.


I am actually very excited today. The kids cooked with me before nap. We prepared meat sauce for Shawn and I, but while they are napping I will be preparing food for them! We will begin a food trial of grass fed beef bone broth – soup! This is exciting.

I have been waiting in obedience for a long time. I believe that the Lord is telling us to move forward now – with the wisdom and discernment that we have asked for.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:5-6

Here we go…believing…for a pass on grass fed beef!